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40. Who Will Cry When You Die?

April 24, 2020
CHAPTER 40

Cure Your Monkey Mind




To get the best from life, you must be completely present and mindful in every minute of every hour of every day. As Albert Camus wrote, “Real generosity towards the future consists in giving all to what is present.” Yet, on most days, our minds are in ten different places at any one time. Rather than enjoying the walk to work, we wonder what the boss will say to us when we get to the office or what we will have for lunch or how our children will do at school today. Our minds are like scampering puppies or, as they say in the East, like unchained monkeys, rushing from place to place without any pause for peace.

By developing present moment awareness and an abundance of mental focus, you will not only feel much calmer in your life, you will also unlock the fullness of your mind’s potential. When too many distractions compete for your attention, the power of your mind is dissipated in all those different directions rather than concentrated on one point like the rays of a laser beam. The good news is that you can practice becoming more attentive to the present and develop this skill within a relatively short period of time.

One of the best ways to cure your monkey mind is through a technique I call “Focused Reading.” Every time your mind wanders from the page into a daydream or a worry, make a check mark in the right hand margin of the page. This simple act will increase your awareness of how poorly you concentrate and, since awareness is the first step to change, help you to build the skills you need for a clearer, quieter mind.

39.who will cry when you die?

CHAPTER 39

Recruit a Board of Directors



To succeed in these times of breakneck change, companies will often recruit a board of directors to help them make more effective decisions and lead them in the right direction during stormy times. By consulting men and women of wisdom these organizations reduce the number of mistakes they make, boost corporate effectiveness and increase their credibility in the marketplace.

One client of mine has a different approach to the concept of having a board of directors. A seasoned entrepreneur and a participant in one of the monthly life coaching programs I conduct across the country, this woman told me that during her periods of silent contemplation, she sits in a room with a pen and pad of paper and writes down a problem that she is facing. Sometimes it involves a difficulty in a relationship, sometimes it concerns a money issue or at other times a struggle that is more spiritual in nature.

Once in a state of deep relaxation, she then calls upon her personal board of directors to help her solve problems. The twist? The members of her board are no longer alive. In her imagination, she seeks the wise counsel of many of history’s greatest thinkers. When confronting a problem that requires a creative solution, she asks Leonardo da Vinci, “How might you deal with this?” On facing a challenge that requires her to have more courage, she asks aviation pioneer Amelia Earhart, “What would you do in this situation?” And when the
issue involves money, she asks the late billionaire Sam Walton, widely known for his common sense, “Sam, how would you handle this?” This technique has truly worked wonders for her, improved her creative thinking ability and kept her peaceful during turbulent times.

Who would you invite to sit on your imaginary board of directors? Here are some of the people I’d love to have on my council: Ben Franklin for guidance on issues involving character
Albert Schweitzer to remind me of the importance of service to others Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela for leader ship issues Bruce Lee for advice on self-discipline Marie Curie for questions relating to innovation Viktor Frankl, famed holocaust survivor, for guidance about how to deal with adversity

38. who will cry when you die?

April 24, 2020
CHAPTER 38

Keep Your Cool


“Anyone can become angry—that’s easy. But to be angry with the right person, to the right degree, at the right time, for the right purpose, and in the right way— that is not easy,” taught Aristotle. With all the stress and pressure in our lives, it is easy to lose our cool at the slightest irritation. While we are rushing home from work at the end of another exhausting day, we scream at the slow driver in front of us who apparently has all the time in the world. While we shop at the grocery store, we get annoyed with the stock clerk who sends us to the wrong aisle when we are in search of the ingredients for tonight’s lasagna. And while we are eating our dinner, we yell at the telemarketer who has the nerve to interrupt us in an attempt to sell us their latest wares.

The problem with losing your temper on a daily basis is that it becomes a habit. And like most habits, a time arrives when it becomes second nature. Personal relationships start unraveling, business partnerships begin to fall apart and your credibility decreases as you become known as “a loose cannon.” Effective people are consistent and, in many ways, predictable. Tough times call for cool people and they are always cool and calm when the pressure is on. Keeping your cool in a moment of crisis can save you years of pain and anguish. Hurtful words unleashed in a single minute of anger have led to many a broken friendship. Words are like arrows: once released, they are impossible to retrieve. So choose yours with care.

An excellent way to control your temper is simply to count to 100 before you respond to someone who has irritated you. Another strategy to use is what I call the “Three Gate Test.” The ancient sages would only speak if the words they were about to utter passed three gates. At the first gate, they asked themselves, Are these words truthful? If so, the words could then pass on to the second gate. At the second gate, the sages asked, Are these words necessary? If so, they would then pass on to the third gate, where they would ask, Are these words kind? If so, then only would they leave their lips and be sent out into the world. “Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and help them become what they are capable of being,” said the German poet Johann Wolfgang von Goethe. These are wise words to live by. 39.

Recruit a Board of Directors To succeed in these times of breakneck change, companies will often recruit a board of directors to help them make more effective decisions and lead them in
the right direction during stormy times. By consulting men and wo



37. who will cry when you die?

April 24, 2020
CHAPTER 37

Master Your Time



I have always found it ironic that so many people say they would do anything for a little more time every day and yet they squander the time they already have. Time is life’s great leveler. We all have the same allotment of twenty-four hours in a day. What separates the people who create great lives from the also-rans is how they use these hours.

Most of us live as if we have an infinite amount of time to do all the things we know we must do to live a full and rewarding life. And so we procrastinate and put the achievement of our dreams on hold while we tend to those daily emergencies that fill up our days. This is a certain recipe for a life of regret. As novelist Paul Bowles once wrote:

…because we don’t know [when we will die], we get to think of life as an inexhaustible well. Yet everything happens only a certain number of times, and a very small number, really. How many more times will you remember a certain afternoon of your childhood, some afternoon that’s so deeply a part of your being that you can’t even conceive of your life without it? Perhaps four or five times more. Perhaps not even that. How many more times will you watch the full moon rise? Perhaps twenty. And yet it all seems limitless.

Commit yourself to managing your time more effectively. Develop a keen sense of awareness about how important your time really is. Don’t let people waste this most precious of commodities and invest it only in those activities that truly count.

36. who will cry when you die?

April 24, 2020
CHAPTER 36

Read Tuesdays with Morrie



While I was on the Denver stop of the American book tour for The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari, I dropped into the airport bookstore before boarding the flight home. As I looked through the latest bestsellers, a small book with a simple cover caught my attention. Its title read Tuesdays with Morrie: An Old Man, A Young Man and Life’s Greatest Lesson. This was the book that at least a dozen booksellers on the tour had suggested I buy since it was, in many ways, similar to the one I had just written. And so I picked it up.

After takeoff, I thought I would browse through the book for a few minutes before taking a much-needed nap. A few minutes slipped into a few hours and by the time we landed, I had just finished the last page with tears in my eyes. The book is about a man who, after leaving university and building a career, rediscovers his favorite professor, Morrie, in the final months of the older man’s life. Every Tuesday, the former student then visits the dying teacher to learn
another lesson about life from this man who has lived so richly and completely.

A real-life account, the lessons Morrie offers during these moving Tuesday sessions include: how to avoid a life of regret, the value of family, the importance of forgiveness and the meaning of death, where he makes the powerful remark, “Once you learn how to die, you learn how to live.” This beautiful little book will remind you of the importance of counting your blessings daily and having the wisdom to honor life’s simplest pleasures no matter how busy your life becomes. One of the legacies I will leave to my two children will be a library of books that have inspired and touched me. And Tuesdays with Morrie will be one that will sit out in front.

35.Who will cry when you die?

April 24, 2020
CHAPTER 35

Remember That Awareness Precedes Change

You will never be able to eliminate a weakness you don’t even know about. The first step to eliminating a negative habit is to become aware of it. Once you develop an awareness about the behavior you are trying to change, you will be well on your way to replacing it with one that is more helpful. As an author, I am frequently invited to appear on radio and television talk
shows. When I first started doing these programs, I thought I was a natural. I enjoyed meeting the hosts, sharing my insights and discussing the ideas in my books with callers. It was only when I began to tape myself and study those tapes that I realized something I had been unaware of: I spoke far too quickly. As a matter of fact, I sometimes spoke so fast that many of the key points I was trying to make got lost in the avalanche of words I heaped on the audience that had tuned in. Becoming aware of my weakness was the first step to eliminating it.

I then went to my favorite bookstore and bought five books on effective communication. In addition I ordered a series of audio cassettes that contained the speeches of some of the world’s top speakers. I also joined the National Speakers Association. Finally, I picked up the phone and called a number of media personalities whom I felt I could learn from and invited them out for a quick lunch. Not one refused. Over a matter of weeks, I educated myself on how to improve my delivery on TV and radio so that I could share my message more effectively.

I have found as well that becoming aware of a weakness, that is, paying to it, also attracts more solutions into one’s life. For example, as soon as I realized that I needed to slow down to communicate in a better way, I started to notice seminars on the subject advertised in the paper. I also noticed that the right books appeared on the shelves of the bookstores where I was browsing and found people who could coach me. So, over the coming weeks, reflect on your weaknesses and vow to transform them into strengths that will add richness and energy to the way you live.

34. who will cry when you die?

April 24, 2020
CHAPTER 34

Enjoy the Path, Not Just the Reward



In my work, I am often asked to teach people how to set and achieve goals. When I ask my audiences, “Why is it so important that you realize your goals?” they often answer, “Because getting the things I want will make me happy.” While there is an element of truth in this answer—getting the things we want often does bring a measure of joy into our lives—it somehow misses the mark.

The real value of setting and achieving goals lies not in the rewards you receive but in the person you become as a result of reaching your goals. This simple distinction has helped me to enjoy the path of life while, at the same time, staying focused on meeting my personal and professional objectives.

As one of my favorite philosophers, Ralph Waldo Emerson, observed, “The reward for a thing well done, is to have done it.” When you achieve a goal, whether that goal was to be a wiser leader or to become a better parent, you will have grown as a person in the process. Often, you will not be able to detect this growth, but the growth will have occurred. So rather than savoring only the rewards that have flowed from the achievement of that goal, celebrate the fact
that the process of reaching your destination has improved the person you are. You have built self-discipline, discovered new things about your abilities and manifested more of your human potential. These are reward in and of themselves.

33.Who Will Cry when you die?

April 24, 2020
CHAPTER 33

See Your Children as Gifts



On Father’s Day, my son Colby brought home a handmade card from school. On the front of it was his small hand print and inside the card, above a little photograph of my child, were these words:
Sometimes you get discouraged because I am so small And always leave my fingerprints on furniture and walls. But every day I’m growing—I’ll be grown up someday And all those tiny hand prints will surely fade away. So here’s a final hand print, just so you can recall Exactly how my fingers
looked, when I was very small. Love, Colby

Children grow so very quickly. It seems like just yesterday that I stood in the delivery room waiting for the birth of my son, and then two years later, for the birth of my daughter, Bianca. It is easy to promise yourself you will spend more time with your kids “when things slow down at work” or “when I get that big promotion” or “next year when I get a little more time.” But if you don’t act
on life, life has a habit of acting on you. The weeks slip into months, the months slip into years and before you know it, that little child is now an adult with a family of her own. The greatest gift you can give to your children is the gift of your time. And one of the greatest gifts you will ever give yourself is that of enjoying your kids and seeing them for what they truly are: the small miracles of
life.

In The Prophet, Kahlil Gibran makes the point far more eloquently than I ever could when he writes, “Your children are not your children. They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.”

32. who will cry when you die?

April 24, 2020
CHAPTER 32

Practice the Action Habit




“Wisdom is knowing what to do next, skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it,” observed David Starr Jordan. Most of us know what we need to do in order to live happier, healthier and more fulfilling lives. The real problem is that we don’t do what we know. I have heard many motivational speakers say, “Knowledge is power.” I disagree. Knowledge is not power. Knowledge is only potential power. It transforms itself into actual power the moment you decisively act on it.

The mark of a strong character lies not in doing what is fun to do or what is easy to do. The sign of deep moral authority appears in the individual who consistently does what he ought to be doing rather than what he feels like doing. A person of true character spends his days doing that which is the right thing to do. Rather than watching television for three hours after an exhausting day at work, he has the courage to get up off the couch and read to his kids. Instead of sleeping in on those cold wintry mornings, this individual exercises his natural reserves of self-discipline and gets out of bed for a run. And since action is a habit, the more positive actions you take, the more you will feel like taking.

All too often, we spend our days waiting for the ideal path to appear in front of us. We forget that paths are made by walking, not waiting. Dreaming is great. But thinking big thoughts alone will not build a business, pay your bills or make you into the person you know in your heart you can be. In the words of Thomas Carlyle, “The end of man is an action and not a thought, though it were the noblest.” The smallest of actions is always better than the boldest of intentions.

31. who will cry when you die?

April 24, 2020
CHAPTER 31

List Your Problems

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“A problem well stated is a problem half solved,” said Charles Kettering. There is something very special that happens when you take out a piece of paper and list every single one of your problems on it. It is very much like the peaceful feeling you get after telling your best friend about something that has been troubling you for weeks. A weight somehow falls from your shoulders. You feel lighter, calmer and freer.

I have discovered that while our minds can be our best friends, they can also be our worst enemies. If you keep thinking about your problems, pretty soon you will find you think about little else. The mind is a strange creature in this regard: the things you want it to remember it forgets, but all those things you want it to forget, it remembers. I have people coming to my seminars who tell me they are still mad about what someone did to them fifteen years ago or still annoyed at what a rude salesclerk said to them last month.

To let go of the mental clutter that your problems tend to generate, list all your worries on a piece of paper. If you do so, they will no longer be able to fester in your mind and drain your valuable energy. This simple exercise will also permit you to put your problems into perspective and tackle them in an orderly, well-planned sequence. Among the many successful people who have used this technique are martial arts master Bruce Lee and Winston Churchill, who once said, “It helps to write down half a dozen things which are worrying me. Two of them, say, disappear; about two, nothing can be done, so it’s no use worrying; and two perhaps can be settled.”

Chapter 1

April 24, 2020

Desire

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The Starting Point of
All Achievement


WHEN EDWIN C. BARNES CLIMBED down from the freight train in Orange, NJ, more than thirty years ago, he may have resembled a tramp, but his thoughts were those
of a king!
As he made his way from the railroad tracks to Thomas A. Edison’s office, his mind was at work. He saw himself standing in Edison’s presence. He heard himself asking Mr. Edison for an opportunity to carry out the one consuming obsession of his life, a burning desire to become the business associate of the great inventor. Barnes’s desire was not a hope! It was not a wish! It was a keen, pulsating desire, which transcended everything else. It was definite.


Five years passed before the chance he had been seeking made its appearance. During all those years, not one ray of hope, not one promise of attainment of his desire had been held out to him. To everyone except himself, he appeared only another cog in the Edison business wheel, but in his own mind, he was the partner of Edison every minute of the time, from the very day that he first went to work there.
When he went to Orange, he did not say to himself,
“I will try to induce Edison to give me a job of some sort.” He said, “I will see Edison and put him on notice that I have come to go into business with him.”
He did not say, “I will work there for a few months, and if I get no encouragement, I will quit and get a job somewhere else.” He did say, “I will start anywhere. I
will do anything Edison tells me to do, but before I am
through, I will be his associate.” He did not say, “I will keep my eyes open for another opportunity, in case I fail to get what I want in the Edison organization.” He said,                                                                     “There is but ONE

thing in this world that I am determined to have, and that is a business association with Thomas A. Edison. I will burn all bridges behind me and stake my entire future on my ability to get what I want.” He left himself no possible way of retreat. He had to win or perish!
That is all there is to the Barnes story of success! Every human being who reaches the age of understanding of the purpose of money wishes for it. Wishing will not bring riches. But desiring riches with a state of mind that becomes an obsession, then planning definite ways and means to acquire riches and backing those plans with persistence which does not recognize failure will bring riches.

The method by which desire for riches can be transmuted into its financial equivalent consists of six definite, practical steps:

FIRST. Fix in your mind the exact amount of money you desire. It is not sufficient merely
to say, “I want plenty of money.” Be definite as to the amount.

SECOND. Determine exactly what you intend to give in return for the money you desire. (There is no such reality as “something for nothing.”)

THIRD. Establish a definite date when you intend to possess the money you desire.

FOURTH. Create a definite plan for carrying out your desire and begin at once, whether you are ready or not, to put this plan into action.

FIFTH. Write out a clear, concise statement of the amount of money you intend to acquire, name the time limit for its acquisition, state what you intend to give in return for the money, and describe clearly the plan through which you intend to accumulate it.

SIXTH. Read your written statement aloud, twice daily, once just before retiring at night
and once after arising in the morning.

We who are in this race for riches should be encouraged to know that this changed world in which we live is demanding new ideas, new ways of doing things, new leaders, new inventions, new methods of teaching, new methods of marketing, new books, new literature, new features for media and movies. Behind all this demand for new and better things, there is one quality which one must possess to win, and that is DEFINITENESS OF PURPOSE—the knowledge of
what one wants and a burning desire to possess it.

We who desire to accumulate riches should remember the real leaders of the world always have been men who harnessed and put into practical use the intangible, unseen forces of unborn opportunity and have converted those forces (or impulses of thought) into skyscrapers, cities, factories, airplanes, automobiles, and every form of convenience that makes life more pleasant.
Tolerance and an open mind are practical necessities of the dreamer of today. Those who are afraid of new ideas are doomed before they start. Never has there been a time more favorable to pioneers than the present. True, there is no wild and woolly west to be conquered, as in the days of the covered wagon, but there is a vast business, financial, and industrial world to be remolded and redirected along new and better lines.

In planning to acquire your share of the riches, let
no one influence you to scorn the dreamer. To win the
big stakes in this changed world, you must catch the
spirit of the great pioneers of the past, whose dreams
have given to civilization all that it has of value, the
spirit which serves as the lifeblood of our own country— your opportunity and mine to develop and market
our talents.

The Wright brothers dreamed of a machine that would fly through the air. Now one may see evidence all over the world that they dreamed soundly. The world has become accustomed to new discoveries. Nay, it has shown a willingness to reward the dreamer who gives the world a new idea. Awake, arise, and assert yourself, you dreamers of the world. Your star is now in the ascendancy. The world is filled with an abundance of OPPORTUNITY which the dreamers of the past never                                                                      knew.

"The oak sleeps in the acorn. The bird waits in the egg, and in the highest vision of the soul, a waking angel stirs. Dreams are the seedlings of reality." James Allen

Remember, too, that many who succeed in life get off to a bad start and pass through heartbreaking struggles before they “arrive.” The turning point in the lives of those who succeed usually comes at the moment of some crisis through which they are introduced to their “other selves.” Edison, the world’s greatest inventor and scientist, was a “tramp” telegraph operator. He failed innumerable times before he was driven, finally, to the discovery of the genius which slept within his brain. Scottish poet Robert Burns was an illiterate country lad. He was cursed by poverty and grew up to be a drunkard in the bargain. 

The world was made better for him having lived, because he clothed beautiful thoughts in poetry and thereby plucked a thorn and planted a rose in its place. Booker T. Washington was born in slavery, handicapped by race and color. Because he was tolerant, had an open mind at all times on all subjects, and was a DREAMER, he left his impress for good on an entire country.

Beethoven was deaf, Milton was blind, but their names will last as long as time endures, because they dreamed and translated their dreams into organized thought. There is a difference between wishing for a thing and being ready to receive it. No one is ready for a thing until he believes he can acquire it. The state of mind must be belief, not mere hope or wish. Open-mindedness is essential for belief. Closed minds do not inspire faith, courage, and belief.

Desire Outwits Mother Nature 

Many years before the birth of my son, I had written, “Our only limitations are those we set up in our own minds.” For the first time, I wondered if that statement was true. Lying on the bed in front of me was a newly born child without any physical sign of ears, the natural equipment of hearing. Even though he might hear and speak, he was obviously disfigured for life.
What could I do about it? Somehow I would find a way to transplant into that child’s mind my own burning desire for ways and means of conveying sound to his brain without the aid of ears.

As soon as the child was old enough to cooperate, I would fill his mind so completely with a burning desire to hear that Nature would, by methods of her own, translate it into physical reality. One day, I discovered that he could hear me quite clearly when I spoke with my lips touching his mastoid bone, or at the base of the brain. These discoveries placed in my possession the necessary media by which I began to translate into reality my burning desire to help my son develop hearing and speech. By that time, he was making stabs at speaking certain words.

The outlook was far from encouraging, but DESIRE BACKED BY FAITH knows no such word as impossible. Having determined that he could hear the sound of my voice plainly, I began, immediately, to transfer to his mind the desire to hear and speak. I soon discovered that the child enjoyed bedtime stories, so I went to work, creating stories designed to develop in him
self-reliance, imagination, and a keen desire to hear and to be normal.

The little deaf boy went through the grades, high school, and college without being able to hear his teachers, except when they shouted loudly at close range. He did not go to a school for the deaf. We would not permit him to learn the sign language. We were determined that he should live a normal life and associate with normal children, and we stood by that decision, although
it cost us many heated debates with school officials.

While he was in high school, he tried an electrical hearing aid, but it was of no value to him due, we believed, to a condition that was disclosed when the child was six, when a doctor operated on one side of the boy’s head and discovered that there was no sign of natural hearing equipment. During his last week in college (eighteen years after the operation), something happened which marked the most important turning point of his life. Through what seemed to be mere chance, he came into possession of an electrical hearing device, which was sent to him on trial. He was slow about testing it, due to his disappointment with a similar device. Finally, he picked the instrument up and more or less carelessly placed it on his head, hooked up the battery, and lo! as if by a stroke of magic, his lifelong desire for normal hearing became a reality! For the first time in his life, he heard practically as well as any person with normal hearing.

Overjoyed because of the CHANGED WORLD which had been brought to him through his hearing device, he rushed to the telephone, called his mother, and heard her voice perfectly. The next day, he plainly heard the voices of his professors in class for the first time in his life! He heard the radio. He heard the talking pictures. For the first time in his life, he could converse
freely with other people without the necessity of them having to speak loudly. Truly, he had come into possession of a changed world. We had refused to accept Nature’s error, and by PERSISTENT DESIRE, we had induced Nature to correct that error through the only practical means available.
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NAPOLEON HILL

April 23, 2020

Five essential  principles



30. WHO WILL CRY WHEN YOU DIE?

April 21, 2020
CHAPTER 30

GET BEHIND PEOPLE'S EYEBALL



One of the deepest of all the human hungers is the need to be understood, cherished and honored. Yet, in the fast-paced days we live in, too many people believe that listening involves nothing more than waiting for the other person to stop talking. And to make matters worse, while that person is speaking, we are all too often using that time to formulate our own response, rather than empathizing with the point being made.

Taking the time to truly understand another’s point of view shows that you value what he has to say and care about him as a person. When you start “getting behind the eyeballs” of the person who is speaking and try to see the world from his perspective, you will connect with him deeply and build high-trust relationships that last.

We have two ears and one mouth for a reason: to listen twice as much as we speak. And having the courtesy to be a better listener has another advantage: since you are not doing all the talking, you are doing all the learning, gaining access to information you would have missed had you been engaged in the usual monologue.

Here are a few practical tips to become better at the art of listening: If you are speaking and the person you are having a conversation with has not said something within the past sixty seconds, there is a good chance you have lost her and it’s time to stop talking so much.

Resist the temptation to interrupt. Catch yourself just before you do so and pay more attention to the content of what the other person is saying to you. If appropriate (i.e., in a business setting), take notes. Few things more readily show the other person in a conversation that you genuinely wish to learn from what she has to say than pulling out a notepad and making notes
while she speaks.

After the other person makes her points, rather than immediately responding with your opinion, reflect on what you have just heard. Saying something such as, “Just to make sure I understand you, are you saying…?” and doing so with complete sincerity will bring you much closer to the people you interact with every day of your life.

29. WHO WILL CRY WHEN YOU DIE?

April 21, 2020
CHAPTER 29

CREATE A LOVE ACCOUNT



Mother Teresa once said, “There are no great acts. There are only small acts done with great love.” What small acts can you do today to deepen the bonds between you and the people you value the most? What random acts of kindness and senseless acts of beauty can you offer to someone in an effort to make his or her day just a little better? The irony of being more compassionate is that the very act of giving to others makes you feel better as well.

To practice being more loving, create a love account. Each day, make a few deposits in this very special reserve by doing something small to add joy to the life of someone around you. Buying your partner fresh cut flowers for no reason at all, sending your best friend a copy of your favorite book or taking the time to tell your children in no uncertain terms how you feel about them are all good places to start.

If there is one thing that I have learned in life, it is that the little things are the big things. Those tiny, daily deposits into the love account will give you far more happiness than any amount of money in your bank account. As Emerson said so eloquently, “Without the rich heart, wealth is an ugly beggar.” Or as Tolstoy wrote, “The means to gain happiness is to throw out for oneself like a spider in all directions an adhesive web of love, and to catch in all that comes

28. WHO WILL CRY WHEN DIE?

April 21, 2020
CHAPTER 28

ALWAYS CARRY A BOOK WITH YOU



According to U.S. News & World Report, over the course of your lifetime, you will spend eight months opening junk mail, two years unsuccessfully returning phone calls and five years standing in line. Given this startling fact, one of the simplest yet smartest time management strategies you can follow is to never go anywhere without a book under your arm. While others waiting in line are complaining, you will be growing and feeding your mind a rich diet of ideas
found in great books.

“So long as you live, keep learning how to live,” noted the Roman philosopher Seneca. Yet most people never read more than a handful of books after they complete their formal schooling. In these times of rapid change, ideas are the commodity of success. All it takes is one idea from the right book to reshape your character or to transform your relationships or to revolutionize your life. A good book can change the way you live as the philosopher Henry David Thoreau observed in Walden, “There are probably words addressed to our condition exactly, which, if we could really hear and understand, would be more salutary than the morning or the spring to our lives, and possibly put a new aspect on the face of things for us. How many a man has dated a new era of his life from the reading of a book. The book exists for us perchance which will
explain our miracles and reveal new ones.”

How high you will rise in your life will be determined not by how hard you work but by how well you think. As I say in my leadership speeches, “The greatest leaders in this new economy will be the greatest thinkers.” And the person you will be five years from now will come down to two primary influences: the people you associate with and the books you read. I often joke
with my seminar audiences that I play “Cinderella Tennis”: I try hard but I never quite make it to the ball. Yet when I play tennis with someone better than I am, something almost magical happens to my game. I make shots that I have never made before, gracefully floating through the air with an ease that would make even the best player blush. Reading good books creates much the same phenomenon. When you expose your mind to the thoughts of the greatest people
who have walked this planet before you, your game improves, the depth of your thinking expands and you rise to a whole new level of wisdom.

Deep reading allows you to connect with the world’s most creative, intelligent and inspiring people, twenty-four hours a day. Aristotle, Emerson, Seneca, Gandhi, Thoreau, Dorothea Brande, and many of the wisest women and men who grace our planet today are just waiting to share their knowledge with you through their books. Why wouldn’t you seize such an opportunity as often as you could? If you have not read today, you have not really lived today. And knowing how to read but failing to do so puts you in exactly the same position as the person who cannot read but wants to.

27. WHO WILL CRY WHEN YOU DIE?

April 21, 2020
CHAPTER 27

WRITE THANK YOU NOTES



The things that are easy to do are also the things that are easy not to do. The more the pace of our lives speeds up, the greater the impact the simple gestures of life will have on those most deserving of them. And near the very top of my list of simple gestures that have profound consequences is the lost art of writing thank-you notes.

Everyone loves getting mail—it’s a fact of human nature. We all have a deep-seated need to feel important. I truly love receiving letters from people who have read my books and used the lessons within them to make positive changes in their lives. Few things excite me as much as receiving a bag full of mail from men and women who have attended one of my seminars and seen their careers take off and their personal lives improve. And knowing how much joy I feel
when I receive mail from others, I try my best to respond to every letter that comes across my desk with a thank-you note of my own.

Even in the case of the people I deal with on a daily basis—executives calling to book me for a speaking engagement, people who attend my personal coaching programs, members of the media requesting an interview and business people calling me with new opportunities—I try to follow up on every encounter with a sincerely written thank-you note. Sure, it takes time. Sure, there might be pressing things on my agenda. But few acts have the power to build and cement relationships like a heartfelt letter of thanks. It shows you care and that you are considerate and human. So this week, go out and buy a package of the blank thank-you cards that are now available in bulk at your local office supply warehouse and start writing. You—and all the people that you deal with—will be glad you did.

26. WHO WILL CRY WHEN YOU DIE?

April 21, 2020
CHAPTER 26

FOCUS ON THE WORTHY



A while ago a FedEx package arrived at my office. Inside was an envelope with a gold seal placed on the fold and my name carefully written on the front. I quickly opened it and began to read the letter within. It was from the CEO of a major corporation who had picked up my book Leadership Wisdom from the Monk Who Sold His Ferrari at an airport while on his way to a business meeting in Europe. He said he was a lifelong student of leadership and was intrigued by the title, which had brought a smile to his face.

This executive had been under tremendous pressure as a result of the overwhelming demands placed on him and was hoping to learn some ways to improve his leadership effectiveness so that he could spend more time on the things that really mattered, both in his business life and in his personal world. In his letter, he wrote:

As I read your story about this man whose life had become too complex and out of control, I began to connect with a part of myself that I had not connected with for many, many years. I began to think about the people in my organization who look to me for guidance and inspiration. I began to think about my wife who had been begging me to take a vacation for the
past five years. And I thought about my three children who had watched their father spend the finest years of their youth climbing the imaginary ladder of success. I consider myself a strong person but as I continued to read your book, I began to sob, quietly at first and then uncontrollably, so much so that the flight attendant rushed over and politely asked if everything was alright.

The CEO continued:
That moment was a wake-up call for me, an experience I will carry with me until the day that I die. I knew that I had to make some serious changes in the way that I was leading and in the way that I was living. So on that flight, sitting 35,000 feet above the world below, I promised myself that I would commit myself to eliminating the multitude of distractions in my life and concentrate on only the fundamentals, those few activities that really had the power to make a difference in the way I worked and lived. I promised to stop reading six newspapers a day, handling every piece of mail that appeared in my in-basket and accepting every dinner invitation that came my way. I even had the title of your chapter on personal effectiveness, which you aptly called ‘Focus on the Worthy,’ made into a plaque that I keep on my desk to remind me that ‘the person who tries to do everything ultimately achieves nothing.’ I cannot tell you how much better my life has become since I began to live by this simple philosophy.

Thank you.

Time is your most precious commodity and yet most of us live our lives as if we have all the time in the world. The real secret to getting control of your life is to restore a sense of focus in your days. The real secret to getting things done is knowing what things need to be left undone. Once you start spending the hours of your days only on those high-leverage activities and priorities that will advance your life’s mission and legacy, everything will change. Many of
history’s greatest thinkers have arrived at the same conclusion. The sage Confucius put it this way, “The person who chases two rabbits catches neither,” while the Roman philosopher Marcus Aurelius said, “Let thine occupations be few if thou wouldst lead a tranquil life.” Management guru Peter Drucker made the point of wisdom in yet another way when he wrote, “There is nothing so useless as doing efficiently that which should not be done at all.”

24. WHO WILL CRY WHEN YOU DIE?

April 21, 2020
CHAPTER 24

LEARN FROM A GOOD MOVIE

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I love going to the movies whenever I can. Often, I take my young daughter Bianca and my son Colby with me and, while munching on popcorn, we enjoy the latest animated film that is heating up the box office. We always walk out with smiles on our faces along with a whole host of new characters we can pretend to be in our daily play sessions. When I am on the road for a speaking tour, I still try to find a few hours at the end of the day to slip into a theater in whatever city I may be in and watch a good movie. I find that films not only relax me but they serve to transport me to a different world and inspire me to keep thinking about the endless possibilities life holds. I guess movies bring out the dreamer in me.

Recently, I saw an Italian movie called Life Is Beautiful. Though it was subtitled, it kept me riveted for nearly three hours and moved me like no film I have seen in quite some time. Much of the story centers on a loving father and his relationship with his young son. Early on, the two are inseparable and share many great times. Suddenly, one afternoon, the two are taken away from their home and placed on a train bound for Auschwitz, the notorious Nazi concentration camp. The rest of the movie shows the incredible lengths the father goes to, not only to keep his son alive, but to actually keep him happy through their horrifying ordeal. Though the father ultimately sacrifices his own life at the end, Life Is Beautiful is a powerful reminder that living is a gift and we must make the best of it, every day of our lives.

A good movie can restore your perspective, reconnect you to the things you value most and keep you enthusiastic about all the things in your life. And as Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm.”

25. WHO WILL CRY WHEN YOU DIE?

April 21, 2020
CHAPTER 25

BLESS YOUR MONEY



If you ever get to London, England, visit Foyle’s, which is among the oldest bookstores in the city. I have found more gems by browsing along its dusty shelves than in any other bookshop I have visited around the world. Being a dedicated student of self-help literature myself, I generally gravitate to that section in the store. I always look for a little-known work that will offer me a few new insights on the art of living and help me improve the quality of my own life. And in Foyle’s, I always find one.

A few years back, I found a book entitled Bring Out the Magic in Your Mind. It was written almost thirty years ago by a man named Al Koran, who was then known as “the Finest Mental Magician in the World.” In a chapter entitled “The Secret of Wealth” he writes the following: “When you send your money out, remember always to bless it. Ask it to bless everybody that it touches, and command it to go out and feed the hungry and clothe the naked, and command it
to come back to you a million-fold. Don’t pass over this lightly. I am serious.”

Over the next few days, why not follow Al Koran’s advice and see what happens? When you pay for your groceries, silently bless all those who have helped bring this food to you: the farmers who have grown it, the delivery people who have carried it and the store clerks who have stocked it. If you are writing a check for your children’s education, why not give silent appreciation to all the teachers who are spending their days shaping the minds of your kids and
to all the others who make their work possible? When you pull out a few bills to buy that magazine off the rack in a convenience store, bless the person who is toiling away behind the counter and hope the money adds value to the quality of his or her life. As that timeless truth says, “The hand that gives is the hand that
gathers.”

23. Who Will Cry When You Die?

April 21, 2020
CHAPTER 23

LIVE A LIFE

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On being asked about the ups and downs of his career, movie star Kevin Costner responded with these words, “I’m living a life.” I found this reply to be profound. Rather than spending his days judging the events and experiences of his life as either good or bad, he adopted a neutral stance and simply decided to accept them for what they are: a natural part of the path he is on.

We all travel different roads to our ultimate destinations. For some of us, the path is rockier than for others. But no one reaches the end without facing some form of adversity. So rather than fight it, why not accept it as the way of life? Why not detach yourself from the outcomes and simply experience every circumstance that enters your life to the fullest? Feel the pain and savor the happiness. If you have never visited the valleys, the view from the mountaintop is not as breathtaking. Remember, there are no real failures in life, only results. There are no true tragedies, only lessons. And there really are no problems, only opportunities waiting to be recognized as solutions by the person of wisdom.

22. WHO WILL CRY WHEN YOU DIE?

April 21, 2020
CHAPTER 22.

TAKE MORE RISKS

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I’ll make you this promise: on your deathbed, in the twilight of your life, it willnot be all the risks you took that you will regret the most. Rather, what will fill your heart with the greatest amount of regret and sadness will be all those risks that you did not take, all those opportunities you did not seize and all those fears you did not face. Remember that on the other side of fear lies freedom. And stay focused on the timeless success principle that says: “life is nothing more that a game of numbers—the more risks you take, the more rewards you will receive.” Or in the words of Sophocles, “Fortune is not on the side of the faint-hearted.”

To live your life to the fullest, start taking more risks and doing the things you fear. Get good at being uncomfortable and stop walking the path of least resistance. Sure, there is a greater chance you will stub your toes when you walk the road less traveled, but that is the only way you can get anywhere. As my wise mother always says, “you cannot get to third base with one foot on second.” Or as AndrĂ© Gide observed, “One does not discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.”

The real secret to a life of abundance is to stop spending your days searching for security and to start spending your time pursuing opportunity. Sure, you will meet with your share of failures if you start living more deliberately and passionately. But failure is nothing more than learning how to win. Or as my dad observed one day, “Robin, it’s risky out on a limb. But that’s where all the fruit is.”

As I wrote in an earlier lesson, life is all about choices. Deeply fulfilled and highly actualized people simply make wiser choices than others. You can choose to spend the rest of your days sitting on the shore of life in complete safety or you can take some chances, dive deep into the water and discover the pearls that lie waiting for the person of true courage. To keep me inspired and centered on the fact that I must keep stretching my own personal boundaries as the days go by, I have posted the following words of Theodore Roosevelt in the study where I write:

It is not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbled, or where the doer of deeds could have done better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs and comes short again and again, who knows the great enthusiasms, the great devotions, and spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows in the end the triumphs of high achievement and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who know neither victory nor defeat.
 
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